Can I invite guests to just my bridal shower and not the wedding?

Discussing wedding planning today with a newly engaged woman, she asked me if It would be considered rude to invite her co-workers to her bridal shower, but not to the actual wedding. Her justification was that she didn’t consider herself close enough to her co-workers to merit an invitation, however she felt obliged somehow that she needed them to still have a small part in the wedding.

Her intentions may have been good, but her co-workers will read into this that they are not good enough for the wedding and are only good enough for a bridal shower that will require them to bring gifts. Needless to say this will create work tension later on. It is considered bad form to invite guests to a bridal party and NOT the wedding and doing this will undoubtedly cause tension.

If you are adamant on having people at your bridal shower and not your wedding ensure that you are tactful. You can state on the invitation that the wedding is very small and limited to just family, however a bridal shower will give you the opportunity to celebrate with friends.

Some may debate that it is your wedding and you can do what you like, and sure there is truth in this, however some brides use this as an excuse to quite simply practise poor manners. You don’t have to invite all your family, friends and co-workers to your wedding, but you must be tactful and fair.

In the case of this newly engaged woman that inspired this post, she has decided to hold a small pre-wedding brunch with her co-workers and some casual friends and limit the wedding to just family and close childhood friends. She will explain to them that coming from a large family the guest list will be taken up by obligatory invitations of aunts, uncles and cousins (about 45 just on her side) and this brunch will be an opportunity for her to celebrate with her co-workers.

Am I Invited to Your Wedding?

Am I invited to your wedding? Rude, isn’t it? Yet there are people who may very well ask you this question, so it is a good idea to have a response handy. If you are 100% sure that this person is invited, there is no harm in saying yes. However, if there is a chance that they won’t make the guest list, it is best to say something along the lines of that you would love to have them at your wedding, however you and your partner are first working with your parents to get the final number of all the obligatory relatives that you must invite, and once this is done your budget and venue will determine how many friends you can invite.

This is especially useful to say if you are having a particularly long engagement as 2 years down the track your feelings towards who should be invited to your wedding may change, so you don’t want to confirm anyone, unless they are good friends, early on in the planning process. This will avoid any awkward moments later on.