Can I invite guests to just my bridal shower and not the wedding?

Discussing wedding planning today with a newly engaged woman, she asked me if It would be considered rude to invite her co-workers to her bridal shower, but not to the actual wedding. Her justification was that she didn’t consider herself close enough to her co-workers to merit an invitation, however she felt obliged somehow that she needed them to still have a small part in the wedding.

Her intentions may have been good, but her co-workers will read into this that they are not good enough for the wedding and are only good enough for a bridal shower that will require them to bring gifts. Needless to say this will create work tension later on. It is considered bad form to invite guests to a bridal party and NOT the wedding and doing this will undoubtedly cause tension.

If you are adamant on having people at your bridal shower and not your wedding ensure that you are tactful. You can state on the invitation that the wedding is very small and limited to just family, however a bridal shower will give you the opportunity to celebrate with friends.

Some may debate that it is your wedding and you can do what you like, and sure there is truth in this, however some brides use this as an excuse to quite simply practise poor manners. You don’t have to invite all your family, friends and co-workers to your wedding, but you must be tactful and fair.

In the case of this newly engaged woman that inspired this post, she has decided to hold a small pre-wedding brunch with her co-workers and some casual friends and limit the wedding to just family and close childhood friends. She will explain to them that coming from a large family the guest list will be taken up by obligatory invitations of aunts, uncles and cousins (about 45 just on her side) and this brunch will be an opportunity for her to celebrate with her co-workers.

Am I Invited to Your Wedding?

Am I invited to your wedding? Rude, isn’t it? Yet there are people who may very well ask you this question, so it is a good idea to have a response handy. If you are 100% sure that this person is invited, there is no harm in saying yes. However, if there is a chance that they won’t make the guest list, it is best to say something along the lines of that you would love to have them at your wedding, however you and your partner are first working with your parents to get the final number of all the obligatory relatives that you must invite, and once this is done your budget and venue will determine how many friends you can invite.

This is especially useful to say if you are having a particularly long engagement as 2 years down the track your feelings towards who should be invited to your wedding may change, so you don’t want to confirm anyone, unless they are good friends, early on in the planning process. This will avoid any awkward moments later on.

How Much Money Should I Put In the Wedding Wishing Well?

Do you know how much money to put into a wedding wishing well? With many couples marrying later in life, it seems that most couples already have what they need to start their life together and would prefer that their wedding guests contribute money towards their wishing well rather than bother with gifts. Whilst some people are put off by this, I personally prefer it, as it means I don’t have to walk around the shops in a daze trying to figure out what to buy.

Without getting into the etiquette debate, this following article will give you some pointers to consider when determining how much money to give the couple. Remember there are no hard and fast rules to follow and they are several ways to figure out an amount that you are comfortable with.

As a general rule, I always try to choose an amount that will cover the cost per head, or as close to this amount as reasonable.  This way my ‘gift’ is covering the price of my being there including meals and drinks.

If figuring out the cost per head is too complicated, another rule of thumb I use is $50-$100 to couples who I do not know  that well and $100-$200 for close friends and family.

 If you don’t feel comfortable giving money, you could the bride and groom give gift card vouchers to the same value. However, try to opt for vouchers that the couple frequent, or a gift card that can be used at many stores such as wishcards.

Daily Wedding Blog Asks? How Long After My Wedding Should I Send Out Thank-You Cards?

Don't forget to say thanks.

After your wedding day has come and gone, there will still be some tasks that will require your attention so that you can tie up loose ends. One of these tasks is sending out the wedding thank-you cards to your guests. Not everyone enjoys doing this as it can be very mundane, but nonetheless it is polite and considered poor wedding etiquette not to send out wedding thank you notes. To avoid getting overwhelmed by writing all the thank-you cards and to allow adequate time to personalise each thank-you message, break up the task over a few days. This will allow you enough time patience (and sanity) to give each card the attention it deserves and you will avoid writing down the same generic gibberish on each card.

Although the tradition states that it is acceptable to send out thank-you cards within a year of getting married, you will find that most of your guests will find this rude and may be offended. It is understandable that once you return from your honeymoon you will be quite busy with settling into married life and you might have moved into a new home, so no one expects thank you cards promptly, but do try to have them in the mail no later than 8 weeks after you return from your honeymoon (4 weeks is better).

Is it self indulgent to give my bridesmaid gifts that double up as jewellery that I want them to wear on my wedding day?

Is it self indulgent to give my bridesmaid gifts that double up as jewelery that I want them to wear on my wedding day? There are two sides to this very common argument. Many argue that this is a self indulgent act. The bride is not choosing a gift for her bridesmaids; she is simply paying for some required jewelery that goes with the wedding gown and is getting out of the tradition of buying a gift.  Others will argue that the gift is tied in with a special memento of the bride’s day, a shared experience of the bridesmaid being a part of her good friend’s day. This way the jewelery will always have an added sentimental value to it.

There are several compromises that could work if you are undecided in what to do. Buy the jewelery to be worn for your wedding and present it to the bridesmaids on your wedding day with an engraved message to show your appreciation for their help such as Kim, thanks for being a great friend and bridesmaid, love Lily. Alternatively, you could opt for a simpler and smaller message such as Kim, thanks for everything, Lily or Kim you’re the best! love Lily

At the end of the day your bridesmaids just want to feel appreciated, so in addition to the jewelery, make sure that you give your bridesmaids a heartfelt thank-you card with a personalised message. It needn’t be very long, just  a message that conveys your appreciation.

Is It Polite To Invite Guests to Just The Ceremony?

Is it polite to

One of the topics that frequently comes up when planning a wedding is whether or not it is rude to invite guests to the ceremony only and not the reception. One of the main reasons for this is that the bride and groom are trying to keep the cost of the reception down. Whilst the need to wanting to save money is understandable, inviting guests to ‘only’ the ceremony is considered rude and should be avoided if possible.

The guest will undoubtedly end up feeling like a second-rate guest who is not important enough to be included in the celebrations. Ill-feelings are also bound to eventuate if the guest feels obliged to buy a gift and may end up feeling that this was the only reason that they were invited.

Consider having a smaller guest list, having an off-peak wedding, or a midday wedding as opposed to an evening one to keep costs down without excluding anyone from the reception.

It’s important to note that if the ceremony itself is going to be held in a location that only holds a limited amount of people, such as the bridal party and immediate family, then it is okay to invite guests just to the reception and not the ceremony.

If you are keen to limit the number of guests to your reception by having some people attend the ceremony only, one approach, to minimize potential hurt feelings, is to hold an ‘official reception’ and an additional ’post-reception function’ for close family and friends.

The way it works is that after the ceremony a reception is held with perhaps appetizers, cake and champagne. This could last for 2-3 hours and can take place at the church’s hall, a nice park, or a nearby venue. After this ‘official reception’ ends, the bride and groom can hold a dinner for immediate family members and the bridal party at another reception venue. This approach really only works if you have a lunchtime ceremony and follow through immediately with the official reception. The family dinner can then be later in the evening after an hour or so. Do be aware however that you still may end up hurting feelings this way, but if you keep referring to it as a family dinner then it should be minimized.

Who Pays For the Bridesmaids Gowns?

Who pays for the bridesmaid gowns?

After the initial excitement of being asked to be bridesmaid is over, then comes the inevitable question, do I need to pay for my own bridesmaid gown? The general answer is yes; when you accept the invitation to become a bridesmaid you are expected to pay for your own gown. Once upon a time, the bride used to pay, but that is no longer the norm. However, bear in mind that this differs depending on what part of the world you are from. For example, in the USA and Australia the bride doesn’t pay, but in the UK most brides provide and pay for all the gowns.

When you start shopping around for gowns, it is a good idea to have a casual discussion about how much you can afford to spend on a dress. It’s not fair for the bride to pick out a lavish dress that will cost three weeks worth of pay if you cannot afford it. On the other hand, you should be realistic in your budget and set aside enough money for a nice dress that the bride would like.

You will find that if a bride has her heart set on bridesmaid gown that is over your limit, she may offer to pay the difference. The vital thing is to be upfront early on about how much you can realistically spend.

How to Handle Family Who Are Trying to Take Over Your Wedding

When you are planning a wedding you will find that you will be swamped with unsolicited, yet well-intentioned advice. Parents, grandparents, co-workers, friends and former brides may very well offer you suggestions on how you should plan your day.

Be polite and acknowledge their suggestion. After all, they are probably excited about your wedding and are looking at a way to help out and be involved. Just tell them casually something along the lines of, ‘Thanks for the suggestion, we’ll keep it in mind.’

High Chairs at Weddings – Who Is Responsible?

I have been to a wedding before where a guest had a little temper tantrum because a high chair was not provided for her son. She was outraged by this and caused a bit of a scene. Fortunately, a quick thinking maid-of-honour spoke to the venue manager and they were able to source one from their adjoining restaurant.

The above scenario does make you think. Whose responsibility was it to source the high chairs that may be needed for the guest’s children? Generally speaking, the correct etiquette is for wedding guests to be held responsible or their own children’s needs themselves, as this does not fall into the responsibility of the bride or groom. However, as a courtesy you could offcourse ask the venue if they have any highchairs on offer and pass this information onto your guests.

Although not necessary, if there will be many children at your wedding, you could add something on your invitation along the lines of, “Unfortunately our reception venue does not supply high chair, however you are most welcome to bring your own high chair or pram”

I Have a Gift Registry, How Can I Let My Guests Know?

Couples are often confused as to whether or not it is considered rude to send wedding gift registry information with the invitations. Whilst many people will do this, it is actually considered rude and poor etiquette, as it comes across as if you are just inviting them for a gift.

You need to take a more subtle approach to get the word out. You could let your bridal party know where you are registered and they can subtly spread this via word of mouth when they run into mutual friends that are wedding guests.

Another easy way to spread the word is through a wedding website. Most wedding websites comes with a section for you to include your gift registry details. In your wedding invitation, you can include the link of your wedding website so that guests can keep updated on your wedding planning and can find out where you are registered.

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