Consider Your Wedding Guests

When choosing a wedding reception, do spare a thought for your guests too.

Are the facilities adequate? If you have guests with disabilities will they be taken care of? Is there a disabled bathroom available? If the reception or ceremony is on an upper level, is their wheelchair access (this is not always the case)

Is there adequate seating for the elderly who cannot stand for long periods?
If you are inviting kids or parents with young babies, are their parent rooms nearby?

You may not be able to accommodate all your guests requirements, but you need to be aware of them.

Can I invite guests to just my bridal shower and not the wedding?

Discussing wedding planning today with a newly engaged woman, she asked me if It would be considered rude to invite her co-workers to her bridal shower, but not to the actual wedding. Her justification was that she didn’t consider herself close enough to her co-workers to merit an invitation, however she felt obliged somehow that she needed them to still have a small part in the wedding.

Her intentions may have been good, but her co-workers will read into this that they are not good enough for the wedding and are only good enough for a bridal shower that will require them to bring gifts. Needless to say this will create work tension later on. It is considered bad form to invite guests to a bridal party and NOT the wedding and doing this will undoubtedly cause tension.

If you are adamant on having people at your bridal shower and not your wedding ensure that you are tactful. You can state on the invitation that the wedding is very small and limited to just family, however a bridal shower will give you the opportunity to celebrate with friends.

Some may debate that it is your wedding and you can do what you like, and sure there is truth in this, however some brides use this as an excuse to quite simply practise poor manners. You don’t have to invite all your family, friends and co-workers to your wedding, but you must be tactful and fair.

In the case of this newly engaged woman that inspired this post, she has decided to hold a small pre-wedding brunch with her co-workers and some casual friends and limit the wedding to just family and close childhood friends. She will explain to them that coming from a large family the guest list will be taken up by obligatory invitations of aunts, uncles and cousins (about 45 just on her side) and this brunch will be an opportunity for her to celebrate with her co-workers.

How to Respectfully Decline a Wedding Invitation

If you have been invited to a wedding and for whatever reasons are unable to attend, you need to decline in a respectful manner to minimise the ‘cold’ when receiving the response card back with no reasoning.

Some will argue that you are under no obligation to provide any reasoning why you cannot attend the wedding reception and ceremony, and you are right, you don’t have to justify why you are unable to attend the wedding, however it is considered the polite thing to do.
If the RSVP card has no room provided to elaborate on your ‘no’ write a few lines on a notepaper. You do not need to write a huge saga down, just a few lines thanking them for thinking of you. Something along the lines of

Dear Matt and Stacey
Thank-you for your wedding invitation and for thinking of us. Unfortunately, we have prior family commitments on that day and are regrettably unable to make it.  We wish you all the best for your wedding day and marriage.
Love Heidi and Mick

Some people use specific reasons as to why they cannot attend a wedding in their RSVP card response.  If your reason is for financial constraints, or you just don’t want to go, I’d stick to a more generalised approach like the example above. However if your reason is something more specific that was planned prior to receiving the invitation such as a family holiday, or family gradation,  than elaborating would be okay. At the end of the day, all you really need to do is use a certain level of tact and etiquette when declining a wedding invitation.

How to Avoid Feeling Disappointed When a Guest Declines Your Wedding Invitation

Although most brides and grooms do understand that some of their family and friends won’t be able to attend their wedding, they can still be left feeling a little disappointed, especially if no reason has been given.

There are many reasons why a guest would be unable to attend your wedding. It could be something as simple as pre-existing commitments, or the inability to find a babysitter. I have some single friends who avoid attending weddings altogether, especially family ones, as they usually end up being quizzed on their relationship status all night.

Bearing this in mind, some brides can still be left feeling a little ‘cold’ upon receiving the RSVP card with the ‘not attending’ check-box ticked. Although, they are entitled to feel ‘cold’ the guest is only responding to the RSVP card in the manner in which it is expected. To avoid this feeling of disappointment, the bride and groom would be better sending RSVP cards which has adequate lined writing space for the guest to elaborate on their inability to attend your wedding.  You could also get rid of the RSVP card altogether and set up alternative RSVP methods such as email, and having a phone number made available to your guests, or event websites.

At the end of the day, try not to obsess if you have family and friends that are unable to attend your wedding and do try to remember that not everyone knows how to how to respectfully decline a wedding invitation.

Compiling The Wedding Guest List

Compiling the wedding guets list

One of the more stressful parts of planning the wedding is the guest list. You don’t want to forget anyone and yet you don’t want to invite every single person you know. The following is a list of pointers that should help you with planning your list.

Determine How Many Wedding Guests You Will Invite

The first thing you and your your partner should do is decide on the number of guest you would like to attend your wedding. An influencing factor in this decision is usually the budget, as most reception venues will charge you ‘per head’ for your guests.

Say ‘No’ to Plus Ones

One way couples limit their guest list is by not adding ‘plus one’ on the invites. That means that any single friends will not be allowed to bring dates. This issue is sometimes up for debate, but ultimately it is the bride and groom’s decision. I’d love to hear your views on this!

Know Who The Essential Guests Are

Compile a list of the absolute essential people that must be invited to your wedding as this will give you a good starting point. Next, write a ‘maybe’ list of people who you may like to invite to your wedding if budget and venue permit. This list could include close co-workers and people from clubs that you belong to. Once you have a concise picture of your venue and financial position, you can decide which people from this list to add the main guest list.

Try not to send the invitations out too soon after compiling your guest list. Give it some time to sink in and come back to is and reassess.  I’d love to hear how did you work out your guest list?

Is It Polite To Invite Guests to Just The Ceremony?

Is it polite to

One of the topics that frequently comes up when planning a wedding is whether or not it is rude to invite guests to the ceremony only and not the reception. One of the main reasons for this is that the bride and groom are trying to keep the cost of the reception down. Whilst the need to wanting to save money is understandable, inviting guests to ‘only’ the ceremony is considered rude and should be avoided if possible.

The guest will undoubtedly end up feeling like a second-rate guest who is not important enough to be included in the celebrations. Ill-feelings are also bound to eventuate if the guest feels obliged to buy a gift and may end up feeling that this was the only reason that they were invited.

Consider having a smaller guest list, having an off-peak wedding, or a midday wedding as opposed to an evening one to keep costs down without excluding anyone from the reception.

It’s important to note that if the ceremony itself is going to be held in a location that only holds a limited amount of people, such as the bridal party and immediate family, then it is okay to invite guests just to the reception and not the ceremony.

If you are keen to limit the number of guests to your reception by having some people attend the ceremony only, one approach, to minimize potential hurt feelings, is to hold an ‘official reception’ and an additional ’post-reception function’ for close family and friends.

The way it works is that after the ceremony a reception is held with perhaps appetizers, cake and champagne. This could last for 2-3 hours and can take place at the church’s hall, a nice park, or a nearby venue. After this ‘official reception’ ends, the bride and groom can hold a dinner for immediate family members and the bridal party at another reception venue. This approach really only works if you have a lunchtime ceremony and follow through immediately with the official reception. The family dinner can then be later in the evening after an hour or so. Do be aware however that you still may end up hurting feelings this way, but if you keep referring to it as a family dinner then it should be minimized.

The Wedding Guest Dress Code: What Should Your Wedding Guests Wear to Your Wedding?

Let your wedding guests know the dress code.

When planning a wedding, try to remember that your wedding guests may be having a hard time trying to figure out what to wear to your wedding. They may also  be having difficulty determining the dress code. Different types of wedding call for different levels of dress. Many factors influence what the dress code will be whether it will be a church wedding, beach wedding, summer wedding  or winter wedding.

Don’t feel awkward to give your guests a heads up as to what the dress code will be. For example, if it is expected that all  female wedding guests need to wear hats to your church wedding, guests would much rather know this before the ceremony than walk into a church and be the only one not wearing a hat.  I know this from personal experience! I felt extremely awkward walking into a small church wedding being the only female other than the bride, not wearing a hat.

Letting the wedding guests know about the dress code is best conveyed through word of mouth, or a small mention either on the invite itself. Additionally, you could slip a small general note slipped inside the invitation.

Don’t add (plus one) on your invites

You can save money on your wedding by not allowing your single friends to bring a date. You must adhere this rule across all your single guests. You can’t allow some guests to bring a date and others not.

If your guests question you about this decision, explain that you are on a tight budget and to ensure that you can invite all your family and friends to your wedding you have to trim the guest list where you can.
Try to seat your single guests near people that they know so that they don’t feel left out. If they won’t know anyone at your wedding, sit them with people who share similar interests .

High Chairs at Weddings – Who Is Responsible?

I have been to a wedding before where a guest had a little temper tantrum because a high chair was not provided for her son. She was outraged by this and caused a bit of a scene. Fortunately, a quick thinking maid-of-honour spoke to the venue manager and they were able to source one from their adjoining restaurant.

The above scenario does make you think. Whose responsibility was it to source the high chairs that may be needed for the guest’s children? Generally speaking, the correct etiquette is for wedding guests to be held responsible or their own children’s needs themselves, as this does not fall into the responsibility of the bride or groom. However, as a courtesy you could offcourse ask the venue if they have any highchairs on offer and pass this information onto your guests.

Although not necessary, if there will be many children at your wedding, you could add something on your invitation along the lines of, “Unfortunately our reception venue does not supply high chair, however you are most welcome to bring your own high chair or pram”

Don’t Let Your Guests Know That They Are on the ‘B’ List

One of my wedding guests just found out that they were on my ‘B’ wedding guest list and has just told me that they won’t be coming to my wedding afterall!

A bride to be came whimpering that to me a few years ago and to be honest, I didn’t feel sorry for her. She left it three weeks before the wedding to invite this guest. Bear in mind that the invitations had been sent six months prior. This ‘b’ list guest, was loosely in the same social circles as the other ‘a’ list guests, and she had found out and was quite hurt at being an afterthought guest.

The truth is, whenever you are planning a wedding you will likely have two guest lists.

Wedding Guest List A: This list is reserved for close family and friends who you would dream of not having at your wedding.
Wedding Guest List B: This list is reserved for relatives, friends and co-workers who as much as you would to have them at your wedding, your finances won’t stretch that far.

The number of people in the guest list ‘A’ category is determined by the amount of people that the reception and ceremony venue will hold combined with the number of guests that the wedding budget allows.

Whilst there are no foolproof ways to ensure that your guests don’t find out that they are ‘b’ list guests, there are ways to minimise the chances of this happening. As soon as you receive an RSVP invitation decline, send off an invitation to a B list guest right away. You want to try to reduce the time between sending A list and B list invites.

After you have sent out the A list invitations put out the feelers when you run into these guests to get an idea of whether or not they will be attending your wedding. They may tell you on the spot that they can’t attend due to prior commitments, so that way you can forward a ‘b’ list invite before you get their official RSVP.

There may also be some people on your ‘A’ list that you have a suspicion won’t be able to attend anyway such as interstaters, who you still want to invite, so that they don’t feel left out. If you don’t receive an RSVP from them in a week or so, call them up for a general chat and find out where they stand on your wedding attendance.

You will find that many people have a tendency to procrastinate and won’t RSVP till the last minute. You want to try and avoid this as much as possible, so that you can send out ‘B’ guest list invites as soon as possible. Try to include something like; ‘Your prompt RSVP is appreciated to help us in our wedding planning.’ on your wedding invitations. When your bridal party is asked how the wedding planning is going from fellow guests, let them know that it is okay to subtly spread the word that you are waiting for RSVP’s before you can get into full-blown planning.

As long as you always remain tactful in dealing with your guest list and do not procrastinate when sending out invitations from your secondary guest list, you can remain confident that you have done all you can to avoid hurt feelings.

Next Page »