Compiling The Guest List

One of the more stressful parts of planning the wedding is the guest list. You don’t want to forget anyone and yet you don’t want to invite every single person you know. The following is a list of pointers that should help you with planning your list.

• The first thing you and your your partner should do is decide on the number of guest you would like to attend your wedding. An influencing factor in this decision is usually the budget, as most reception venues will charge you ‘per head’ for your guests.

• One way couples limit their guest list is by not adding ‘plus one’ on the invites. That means that any single friends will not be allowed to bring dates. This issue is sometimes up for debate, but ultimately it is the bride and groom’s decision. I’d love to hear your views on this!

• Compile a list of the absolute essential people that must be invited to your wedding. this will give you a good starting point. Next, write a ‘maybe’ list of people who you may like to invite to your wedding if budget and venue permit. This list could include close co-workers and people from clubs that you belong to. Once you have a concise picture of your venue and financials, you can decide which people from this list to add the main guest list.

Try not to send the invitations out too soon after compiling your guest list. Give it some time to sink in and come back to is and reassess.

Is It Polite To Invite Guests to Just The Ceremony?

One of the topics that frequently come up when planning a wedding is whether or not it is rude to invite guests to the ceremony only and not the reception. One of the main reasons for this is that the bride and groom are trying to keep the cost of the reception down. Whilst the need to wanting to save money is understandable, inviting guests to ‘only’ the ceremony is considered rude and should be avoided if possible.

The guest will undoubtedly end up feeling like a second-rate guest who is not important enough to be included in the celebrations. Ill-feelings are also bound to eventuate if the guest feels obliged to buy a gift and may end up feeling that this was the only reason that they were invited.

Consider having a smaller guest list, having an off-peak wedding, or a midday wedding as opposed to an evening one to keep costs down without excluding anyone from the reception.

It’s important to note that if the ceremony itself is going to be held in a location that only holds a limited amount of people, such as the bridal party and immediate family, then it is okay to invite guests just to the reception and not the ceremony.

If you are keen to limit the number of guests to your reception by having some people attend the ceremony only, one approach, to minimize potential hurt feelings, is to hold an ‘official reception’ and an additional ’post-reception function’ for close family and friends.

The way it works is that after the ceremony a reception is held with perhaps appetizers, cake and champagne. This could last for 2-3 hours and can take place at the church’s hall, a nice park, or a nearby venue. After this ‘official reception’ ends, the bride and groom can hold a dinner for immediate family members and the bridal party at another reception venue. This approach really only works if you have a lunchtime ceremony and follow through immediately with the official reception. The family dinner can then be later in the evening after an hour or so. Do be aware however that you still may end up hurting feelings this way, but if you keep referring to it as a family dinner then it should be minimized.

A head’s up! What should your guests wear to your wedding?

When planning a wedding, try to remember that your guests may be having a hard time trying to figure out what to wear to your wedding. Different types of wedding call for different levels of dress. Many factors influence what the dress code will be whether it will be a church wedding, beach wedding, summer or winter wedding.

Don’t feel awkward to give your guests a heads up to what the dress code will be. For example, if it expected that all guests need to wear hats to the church wedding, guests would much rather know this before the ceremony than walk into a church and be the only one not wearing a hat. It happens!
This is best conveyed through word of mouth, or a small mention either on the invite itself, or on a small general note slipped inside the invitation.

Don’t add (plus one) on your invites

You can save money on your wedding by not allowing your single friends to bring a date. You must adhere this rule across all your single guests. You can’t allow some guests to bring a date and others not.

If your guests question you about this decision, explain that you are on a tight budget and to ensure that you can invite all your family and friends to your wedding you have to trim the guest list where you can.
Try to seat your single guests near people that they know so that they don’t feel left out. If they won’t know anyone at your wedding, sit them with people who share similar interests .

High Chairs at Weddings – Who Is Responsible?

I have been to a wedding before where a guest had a little temper tantrum because a high chair was not provided for her son. She was outraged by this and caused a bit of a scene. Fortunately, a quick thinking maid-of-honour spoke to the venue manager and they were able to source one from their adjoining restaurant.

The above scenario does make you think. Whose responsibility was it to source the high chairs that may be needed for the guest’s children? Generally speaking, the correct etiquette is for wedding guests to be held responsible for their own children’s needs themselves, as this does not fall into the responsibility of the bride or groom. However, as a courtesy you could offcourse ask the venue if they have any highchairs on offer and pass this information onto your guests.

Although not necessary, if there will be many children at your wedding, you could add something on your invitation along the lines of, “Unfortunately our reception venue does not supply high chair, however you are most welcome to bring your own high chair or pram”

Don’t Let Your Guests Know That They Are on the ‘B’ List

One of my wedding guests just found out that they were on my ‘B’ wedding guest list and has just told me that they won’t be coming to my wedding afterall!

A bride to be came whimpering that to me a few years ago and to be honest, I didn’t feel sorry for her. She left it three weeks before the wedding to invite this guest. Bear in mind that the invitations had been sent six months prior. This ‘b’ list guest, was loosely in the same social circles as the other ‘a’ list guests, and she had found out and was quite hurt at being an afterthought guest.

The truth is, whenever you are planning a wedding you will likely have two guest lists.

Wedding Guest List A: This list is reserved for close family and friends who you would dream of not having at your wedding.
Wedding Guest List B: This list is reserved for relatives, friends and co-workers who as much as you would to have them at your wedding, your finances won’t stretch that far.

The number of people in the guest list ‘A’ category is determined by the amount of people that the reception and ceremony venue will hold combined with the number of guests that the wedding budget allows.

Whilst there are no foolproof ways to ensure that your guests don’t find out that they are ‘b’ list guests, there are ways to minimise the chances of this happening. As soon as you receive an RSVP invitation decline, send off an invitation to a B list guest right away. You want to try to reduce the time between sending A list and B list invites.

After you have sent out the A list invitations put out the feelers when you run into these guests to get an idea of whether or not they will be attending your wedding. They may tell you on the spot that they can’t attend due to prior commitments, so that way you can forward a ‘b’ list invite before you get their official RSVP.

There may also be some people on your ‘A’ list that you have a suspicion won’t be able to attend anyway such as interstaters, who you still want to invite, so that they don’t feel left out. If you don’t receive an RSVP from them in a week or so, call them up for a general chat and find out where they stand on your wedding attendance.

You will find that many people have a tendency to procrastinate and won’t RSVP till the last minute. You want to try and avoid this as much as possible, so that you can send out ‘B’ guest list invites as soon as possible. Try to include something like; ‘Your prompt RSVP is appreciated to help us in our wedding planning.’ on your wedding invitations. When your bridal party is asked how the wedding planning is going from fellow guests, let them know that it is okay to subtly spread the word that you are waiting for RSVP’s before you can get into full-blown planning.

As long as you always remain tactful in dealing with your guest list and do not procrastinate when sending out invitations from your secondary guest list, you can remain confident that you have done all you can to avoid hurt feelings.

Don’t Forget your Wedding Guests

When planning a wedding, understandably, you are going through the checklists making sure that the wedding will be great for and your partner. After all, it is your day and you want it to be a great one. However, spare a moment or two to figure out how you can make your wedding an enjoyable experience for your guests.

Avoid Having Hungry Guests Consider the length of time between your wedding ceremony and the wedding meal during the reception. If your ceremony and reception are at different locations, it is likely there may be an interval of one or more hours from the ending of the ceremony to the start of the reception. During this time the bridal party might be at a third location getting the official wedding photos taken. Some guests may go home during this interval, whilst others may be in limbo. If you can, organise for the ceremony or reception location to have a pre-reception area for guests whilst they wait for the official reception to begin. Having light refreshments available for your guests whilst they wait for the bride and groom to arrive would be a much welcome gesture.

Be Considerate in Your Seating Plans Organise your seating plans so that friends and family are seated together. If you have a guest attending your wedding that won’t know any others guests, try to seat them next to someone who shares common interests, so that they wont be uncomfortable.

Give your Guests a Heads Up
If there is anything specific to your wedding that your guests need to know, inform them of this prior to your wedding. For examples, some churches have very formal dress codes such as wearing Sunday hats and non-sleeveless clothing. If your guests show up to your wedding and is the only one not wearing a hat, they may feel uncomfortable.

Inform Guests of Parking Requirements
If the wedding venue has specific parking requirements inform guests in their invitations so that there are no nasty surprises.

Specific Location Requirements
You might light to photocopy or print out a Google map of your wedding location. If the venue is next to a major landmark or well known business, you might like to include this information on the map . If your wedding venue has several reception halls of they can gain access through a specific entrance note this on your invite. The idea is make the directions as easy as possible.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t take much to keep your guests happy. Just think back to the last few weddings that you have been to and remember what aspects of the wedding made the day great for you as a guest or alternatively consider what areas you felt could be improved and what would have made your experience as a wedding guest more memorable.

How to Ensure that your Wedding Guests RSVP on Time

One of those gritty little details of wedding planning that can undoubtedly cause some tension is when wedding guests fail to RSVP as this can hinder you from advancing in your wedding preparations. However, there are some steps you can take to urge your guests to RSVP on time.

Use Magnets
Stick magnets to the back of your wedding invitations. You guests can then stick the invitations to their fridge and this way they are more likely to be reminded to RSVP on time. You can buy small magnets inexpensively from craft stores.

Have Several RSVP Options
Allow your guests several options to rsvp to your wedding such as an email address specifically set up for RSVP’s, a phone number (specify unavailability times and ensure you have a message bank) and a good old postal mailing address. If you have a wedding website, your guests may also like to rsvp via the site.

Include an RSVP Card
Make it easy for your guests to rsvp to your wedding and include an rsvp reply card. You can buy these specially made, or you can print some out on your home computer.

RSVP Deadline
Make sure that you clearly specify the RSVP date on your wedding invitation. If you can, tie in this date with some event that can be a great memory trigger for your guests. For example, your rsvp deadline can be on the same date as the local royal show.

Allow a week’s grace period from the rsvp deadline before chasing up your guests. I know of one bride who made her rsvp date final and bonding, and refused any guest attendance beyond that date. About a week or so after the deadline, her aunt mailed her an rsvp card with a note attached apologising for the delay. Apparently, the aunt had left the rsvp card on the hall table to mail out, however her sons had put junk mail from the letterbox on top of the envelope and the rsvp card got lost in the clutter only to be found a week later. The bride-to-be refused to budge and told the aunt that she had finalised the numbers with venue. In defence of the bride, she did specify on the invite that the guest list needed to be finalised by that date, however her refusal for leniency caused great tensions with her mother and aunt. Allow your guests the benefit of the doubt when they fail to rsvp on time and give them a call and have a quick chat to find out their answer.

I Have a Gift Registry, How Can I Let My Guests Know?

Couples are often confused as to whether or not it is considered rude to send wedding gift registry information with the invitations. Whilst many people will do this, it is actually considered rude and poor etiquette, as it comes across as if you are just inviting them for a gift.

You need to take a more subtle approach to get the word out. You could let your bridal party know where you are registered and they can subtly spread this via word of mouth when they run into mutual friends that are wedding guests.

Another easy way to spread the word is through a wedding website. Most wedding websites comes with a section for you to include your gift registry details. In your wedding invitation, you can include the link of your wedding website so that guests can keep updated on your wedding planning and can find out where you are registered.

Can I invite guests just to my bridal shower and not the wedding?

Discussing wedding planning today with a newly engaged woman, she asked me if It would be considered rude to invite her co-workers to her bridal shower, but not to the actual wedding. Her justification was that she didn’t consider herself close enough to her co-workers to merit an invitation, however she felt obliged somehow that she needed them to still have a small part in the wedding.

Her intentions may have been good, but her co-workers will read into this that they are not good enough for the wedding and are only good enough for a bridal shower that will require them to bring gifts. Needless to say this will create work tension later on. It is considered bad form to invite guests to a bridal party and NOT the wedding and doing this will undoubtedly cause tension.

If you are adamant on having people at your bridal shower and not your wedding ensure that you are tactful. You can state on the invitation that the wedding is very small and limited to just family, however a bridal shower will give you the opportunity to celebrate with friends.

Some may debate that it is your wedding and you can do what you like, and sure there is truth in this, however some brides use this as an excuse to quite simply practise poor manners. You don’t have to invite all your family, friends and co-workers to your wedding, but you must be tactful and fair.

In the case of this newly engaged woman that inspired this post, she has decided to hold a small pre-wedding brunch with her co-workers and some casual friends and limit the wedding to just family and close childhood friends. She will explain to them that coming from a large family the guest list will be taken up by obligatory invitations of aunts, uncles and cousins (about 45 just on her side) and this brunch will be an opportunity for her to celebrate with her co-workers.

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